The world is very cruel and I have experienced that on my skin. Till my thirtieth birthday I let other people create my life. I lived in a small city, everybody knew me and I had to always wear a certain image to represent myself. And definitely I was not happy about that. Lots of my talents were left hidden because I was constantly asking myself in what kind of way will people judge me. Maybe that was just my fear but the feeling was definitely blocking my development as a successful and strong woman.
My teenage years were filled with lots of amazing moments and some disappointments as well. I have managed to create an image of a respectful woman who always knows how to talk and act in different situations but I still had that fear in my mind of doing something that will not be appropriate for other people. Honestly it doesn’t take much to destroy that kind of reputation. And with all the experiences I had the worst thing was the acknowledgement that I started to lose my self confidence. I got lots of comments behind my back which sometimes really hurt my heart.
After moving to England I decided to change my life and to finally heal my soul from all the judgements. Change of environment was the best decision I have ever made. My stress level dropped dramatically because I knew that nobody really knows me here and I can start to express myself in a way that I want. Yes, many people would say I am sensitive but I got back my strength that I lost in my teenage years. I concentrate only on myself and my loved ones, other things are just not important for me anymore. Writing a blog has become a good way of releasing all the emotions that were kept inside me and at the same time doing what I love to do.
My dad always said to me “life is a game, enjoy it” and I always tried to apply that into my life but it took me a while to get there. Now I fully understand what he was trying to tell me. I think all the people should enjoy life, be who they are and do things they really want to do. And the most important thing be kind to each other.
When you are thinking about having a baby you always think just about the best moments. It will be so wonderful to breastfeed and play with a child and all the bonding, love and happiness we will experience as a family. All that is definitely amazing but there are things as well that are not very easy for a new parents.
I was breastfeeding at the beginning and was so determined that my baby will be exclusively breastfed for six months or even more. I really wanted all the best for her but reality was different. My milk supply was not good so I struggled for the first two weeks with pumping every day and night. Sometimes I was sitting in the bathroom for hours try to get some milk and at the same time not to wake up anyone. My nipples were bleeding and couldn’t recover from one feed till the next one. After two weeks a nurse tried to help me and we realised that our baby girl has a tongue tie and she can’t latch normally. At that moment I gave up and started to feed her with the bottle and it was such a relief for us.
From that point onward things were getting better. She was happy, her sleeping habits started to get more regular at least we thought so and she was feeding easier. But finding a very good formula for her was a challenge. We tried so many of them and it seemed like we will never find the right one. She developed a big rash on the back of her neck which was a big issue and now we know that was connected with the milk. But at that time we were still trying to find a solution, going to the doctor and they had no clue what was going on. I had to put the socks on her hands to prevent the scratching and bleeding.
She had days when she was sleeping almost all night and then other ones when she didn’t sleep at all. Sometimes I was holding her all night and falling asleep with her in my arms. I am sure all parents have to deal with this but I have to admit it was a big challenge for us because we didn’t have anyone near to help us sometimes. But of course things got better with time, we established the routine and having a child became a real joy. She started to smile and responding with different sounds. Her curiosity for everything around was amazing and the long walks with her were always the best medication for all the stress.
Michelle is now six months old and when I look back at all the sleepless nights and other issues I smile. I am happy that our girl is healthy and developing as a normal baby. Being a mother is a very hard job but at the same time an amazing experience with lots of love, happiness and funny moments.
I had my routine check up at 40 weeks and the midwife was a little bit concerned about her heart beat. It was not regular so she quickly sent me to the hospital. Doctors decided the best thing to do is to start the labour because the baby was ready to come. They started the induction and explained to us that probably it will take a day or even two until the real labour starts and of course another day before she arrives.
Everything started the next day and I was transferred to the labour ward at around four o’clock in the afternoon. The pain started to kick in and it was getting really intense with every contraction. Doctors and nurses didn’t expect anything major to happen that day. I have a very high level of pain tolerance but I remember that the pain was excruciating and by the time I tried to get the epidural it was time already to push. My nurse was in shock because everything happened in three and a half hours. I felt that my baby is on the way but no one was prepared. Nurses were running in and out and tried to get ready for her arrival. Michelle was born at eight o’clock in the afternoon and she was a special gift for my husbands birthday.
Finally the day to become a mother came for me. The first night at the hospital I was just observing my baby, wondering what do I have to do, is she warm enough, do I have to feed her already,… I really didn’t know what to do. Haven’t been sleeping much because my mind was like a roller-coaster, my life just changed completely. Watching my little baby girl was amazing and at the same time kind of scary thinking about the fact that the care free girl just became a mother. Next day we went home and our journey as a family began.
Every girl is born with a gift to become a mother. I gave birth to a baby girl six months ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When you see your child for the first time it feels like the world stopped at that moment. This is the kind of feeling the words can’t describe. Suddenly you become a mother and there is a button waiting for you to switch on. At that moment you have to transform from a care free girl into a very caring and loving mother.
My experience was just amazing. Everything went really smooth trough the whole pregnancy. I moved to England when I was three months pregnant and it didn’t affect me much. My routine was still the same, going for a walk every day and taking care that my body and mind were completely stress free. The bump was slowly growing and I started to realise that the moment when I will see my little princess is getting closer. We started to prepare for our arrival. Shopping all these tiny clothes, shoes, blankets and all the other necessary things was so much fun.
She was a very active baby so my bump was jumping and moving all the time when she was kicking. From my fifth month of pregnancy onward I was watching all the videos about the labour, preparation for the hospital and of course expectations after her arrival. I have to admit I was a little bit nervous because it was my first baby and I had no idea how everything will look like. So we were very impatiently waiting for the day when we will have to jump in the car and rush into the hospital.
That day eventually came and it was nothing similar as our expectations…